Occasionally, the death of a celebrity will affect me in some way or another. I mean, they are not “just celebrities”, they are human beings that we see so often that we feel more connected to them than we do other people we have never really met, but rarely does their death rock me to my core like Chester Bennington’s suicide. Linkin Park’s songs have been going through my head NON-STOP and I have thought about Chester everyday since I heard the news on July 20th. He was even in my dreams last night. I was hugging him.
When Linkin Park first came out with their amazing songs from Hybrid Theory and then Meteora back in the early 2000’s, it was in a time when I had some of my hardest struggles with depression and I was going on and off different anti-depressants trying to find one that helped me not feel worthless but also didn’t make me want to sit around in the same spot all day. This was also during the hardest struggles my husband and I went through early on in our marriage.
From my mid teens all the way to my early 30’s, I had so many moments of utter hopelessness (you can read more about this in my introduction). Days so dark I couldn’t even grasp it. Feeling so deep inside a hole that I couldn’t see a way out of. There were even times where if I had the guts, I would have ended it all. Who would even miss me anyways? Would anyone even notice? Those that would notice would be better off without me anyways.
Death is so permanent. We hope that it isn’t entirely permanent, that there is more beyond this physical life that we can see, but as we know it at this moment, when a person’s body is gone, they are no longer here. At least not in this dimension. I think of the pain of his wife, longing to feel him one more time, and knowing it can’t happen. Wondering if there was anything she could have done or said. It saddens me so much. Also, he was only a few years older than my husband and I. So young, he still had so much life left.
We are all so connected, and when you recognize those connections, especially when there are so many similarities presenting themselves, the compassion and love is strong for other people. If you feel hopeless, PLEASE reach out to someone. If you don’t know anyone to reach out to, reach out to me. Don’t just go quietly in the night thinking the world is better off without you. It’s not.
RIP Chester. Your voice was incredible. Your words so poetic and relatable to those suffering, but yet so haunting. You helped so many through their dark times, and I wish someone was able to help pull you out of yours 😦